


here comes CHUNGO

by euphoniousDelight



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Other, Trans Keith au, crack fic mostly, gender neutral pronouns for pidge, hella gay, just for one chap tho maybe more bc I like that au, klance, one day ill write a real fic, today is not that day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-09-01 11:13:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8622388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoniousDelight/pseuds/euphoniousDelight
Summary: Just a crack fic to enjoy! Updates about never. Literally give me a prompt and I'll write a really short fic in like a few days.I have really good ideas for fics but i just dont have motivation so take this stuff that i just spew out uncontrollably.





	1. the tight PANTS

The tight PANTS  
Lance ran. He knew Keith would catch him but, he ran anyways. What else would you do when a very angry Keith has aimed his eyes on you.  
"Lance! I swear to fucking god you will get your ass over here."  
"No! No no no!" Lance screams racing around the corner of the hallway on the ship.  
"You fucker! How dare you? I trusted you!" Keith screams, gaining on Lance.  
"Someone help! A mad mans after me!" Lance screams as he bursts into a lounge room, startling Pidge and Shiro and promptly jumping behind a couch. Keith then barrels in after him, slamming the door open.  
"Where the fuck is Lance?" Keith snaps at the green and black Paladins.  
"What the hell did Lance do to make you this pissed off?" Pidge looks up from their computer.  
Shiro just stands and shakes his head. He picks up his probably coffee and says, "I've learned it's better not to ask." The black paladin then leaves the room to whatever fuckery is about to take place.  
"He stole my fucking cereal."  
"What kind of cereal?" Pidge asks seriously.  
"Lucky Charms."  
"Did he eat the marshmallows?"  
"All of them."  
"He's behind the couch. Kill him." Pidge gestures to said couch.  
"Pidge I trusted you!" Lance screams as he is dragged out of his hiding place and straddled on the floor, effectively holding him down.  
"I believe this is where I take my leave. Bye gays!" Pidge picks up their computer and exits.  
"You absolutely disgusting creature! How could you?"  
"Keith you left the box out! What am I supposed to do? Stop myself from eating that sugary goodness?"  
"You're supposed to not. Eat. My. Cereal!" Keith yells.  
"Okay fine. I'll stop eating your cereal on one condition."  
"You are definitely not in the position to be making conditions." Keith gestures at how he is effectively straddling Lance on the floor. "But humor me."  
"Alright. Dude, stop wearing such tight pants, I can see your thighs."  
Keith is shocked. Of all the ridiculously stupid things Lance could say. It's about his, apparently tight, pants.  
"No." Keith says, flicking the blue Paladins forehead and getting up to find a new place to hide his Lucky Charms, not noticing the small blush creeping up Lance's cheeks and ears.


	2. the rubber DICC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys I have so many of these lined up to post, including the one that started it, here comes CHUNGO.

The rubber DICC  
"Shut up, Lance." Keith pouts from the couch.  
"Make me." Lance flirts effortlessly back. The mulleted man quickly stands up from the couch and crosses the room with a few long strides, grabbing Lance's shirt with both hands and slamming his lips down on his. Lance goes to pull away but Keith pulls Lance back down. Lance doesn't mind at all. His hands wander down to Keith's hips and into the waistband of his jeans. Keith's hands let go of Lance's shirt and trace down his front, feeling up and down his lovers core. Keith brings his arms up to Lances shoulders and wraps them around the taller boy. Said taller boy then slips his hand into Keith's boxers, drawing out a sharp gasp. Lance then pulls out a rubber dick and screams.   
"Lance."  
"Ahhhhh!"  
"Lance."  
"Ahhhhh!"  
"LANCE!" Keith grabs the rubber dick and puts his hands in his hips. Lance stops screaming only to speak gibberish and dramatically point to the rubber dick, Keith's crotch, and back to the dick.  
"Dude, it's just a fake dick."  
"But it was in your pants!" Lance panics.   
"Chill the fuck out."  
"Why do you have a fake dick?!"   
"Cause I don't have one!"  
"Oh."  
"Lance. I'm transgender." Keith fidgets, shifting the dick in his hands.  
"Like, you have a vagina."  
"Yes."  
"So you have a rubber dick."  
"Yes."  
"Can I play with your rubber dick?"  
"Lance, you ass, shut up!"   
"Make me." He winks.


	3. wii sports RESORT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IM SO SORRY MY COMPUTER IS FRIED   
> I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CONPLETELY DESTROYED THE MOTHERBOARD  
> I LOST ALL MY WORKS AND HAD TO RETYPE A HELL OF A LOT OF STUFF  
> I REDID HAVE THE THANKSGIVING CHAP WITH "Corans food" and "shiros muscular body" SO HERE YOU GO  
> There are also some phrases that I have asked to add in as a challenge so,,  
> Again  
> I'm sorry

Thanksgiving has arrived and everyone flocks to Coran's house for the day. As Coran busies himself in the kitchen, baking whatever traditional food his strange family makes, the others amuse themselves. Pidge lays on the living room couch reading Journey To The Center of The Earth by Jules Verne, Shiro beside them, scrolling through his phone. Allura and Hunk are in the kitchen making idle chat with Coran and occasionally helping him prepare the feast.  
Lance and Keith are doing hell knows what.  
"Keith, you fucking fuck.. shit!"   
"You absolute piece of trash lowlife."  
"Fuck off! Damn you, mullet-head! Take that!"  
"I'm going to strangle you once I get my hands on you."  
"You can't reach, shorty."   
"You sunk so low that I can. Fuck!"  
Keith throws his Wii remote at Lance, damn he was good at Wii Tennis.   
Keith moans as he flops on the couch almost falling into Shiro, who was chuckling at the failure of the mulleted man.   
"How the hell are you so good at Wii Sports Resort?" Keith asks, worn out from the 3 hour sports tournament they had.  
"Well, I think it's my superior sports skills and my amazing muscles." Lance flexes his arms to show the tiny amount of muscle he has. Pidge rolls their eyes at the obnoxious teen and flips the page to their favourite book.  
"I don't think anyone can beat me. I'm the Wii Sports Resort master." Lance jumps on the ottoman and places his hands on his hips to exaggerate his point.  
Shiro put down his phone and stands up, accidentally pushing Keith on the floor.  
"What the fuck, Shiro?"  
"I challenge you to a sword fighting duel."  
Lance's foot slips off the ottoman and promptly falls off onto the floor as Shiro picks up Keith's discarded Wii remote.  
"You what?!" Lance screeches from on the floor.  
"I'm challenging 'the Wii Sports Resort master' to a duel for the title."  
"But-"  
"Go Shiro!" Keith yells from the couch, disturbing Pidge from their reading coma.  
"C'mon Keith! You've got to be on my side!" Lance whines as he waits for the game to load.  
"Excuse me, have you seen that mans muscles? He's going to destroy you."  
"I'm literally right here guys." Shiro points out, syncing his remote to the console.   
"QUIZNAK!" A loud bang comes from the kitchen.  
"I'm going to go check that out." Pidge closes their book, slides over the back of the couch and into the kitchen to check on Coran, Allura, and Hunk.  
Keith stands up and jumps onto the same ottoman that Lance was on before.  
"Alright boys, I want a clean match. No pushing, shoving, or groping. I'm looking at you Lance."  
"It was one time!"  
The game starts to count down from 3 and Lance and Shiro advance. Slashing their Wii remotes as if they were real swords, blocking and attacking. Keith narrates the fight.  
"Shiro dodges every swipe, he parried to the left. Lance counters to the right, catching him in the neck."  
Lance does indeed hit Shiro in the neck knocking him off the platform, winning the first round. He quickly turns around and yells at Keith for singing Shia Lebeouf and throwing off his game, even though he won the first round.  
The next game is a total slaughter. Within seconds Lance's Mii is thrown off the platform into the waters below.  
"Shiro you fucking... ugh shove a pickle up your ass!"  
Shiro just chuckles as he readies for the next round, Keith cheers, not for anyone is particular just cheering.   
-  
"Shiro what the fuck? Did you, like, go easy on me or something in the first round?" Lance exclaims after another quick and crushing defeat.  
"Actually, yeah I did." Shiro smirks, undoing the Wii remote wrist leash and placing the remote on the couch, plopping down next to Keith, arms over the back of the couch.  
"Hey Shiro, pay up." Keith holds out his hand.  
"Wait wait. What did you guys bet on." Lance inquires as Shiro passes Keith five dollars.   
Keith snorts and replies, "I said that you would be so astonished at Shiro's muscles that you'd lose and not be mad about it. Shiro said you would lose and flip the fuck out."  
"Oh shove an apple up your ass Keith." Lance huffs and jumps onto the couch, crushing Keith in the process.   
"Lance move your fat ass before I move it for you." Keith growls.  
"I'd like to see you try, Princess." Lance teases. Keith accepts the challenge and tries to lift Lance but fails.  
"Your fucking thighs are too big for me too lift."   
"I knew my thighs were good for something." Lance wonders aloud, the three of them laughing at the idiocy of the brown haired teen.  
"I wonder if the food is ready." Shiro ponders.  
"God, I hope so." Keith mumbles, stomach growling at the thought.  
"I'll race you to the kitchen, Keith." Lance bounces up and starts running.  
"Hey! No fair you started first." Keith blasts after him.   
Shiro calmly stands up and stretches before walking to the kitchen and shaking his head at the two idiots he calls his friends.


	4. here comes CHUNGO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chap that started this mess,,, I'm so sorry that this is like 5 words but I can't bring myself to change anything about this so,,, this is the chap,, give me promps or phrases and I'll be back with a longer chap within a week  
> If I don't please send an army of D E A T H after me

Keith thrusts harder in Lance's ass.   
"Fuck, Lance!"  
He grabs his hips and pulls him to meet his thrusts. Lance grinds harder on Keith's member.   
Climax drawing near, pumps become erratic, moans and groans louder.  
"Keith, I'm so close. So mother fucking close."  
"I know baby." He thrusts into him one more time before Lance ejaculates.   
"HERE COMES CHUNGO!"  
He removes his almost at climax dick from Lance's ass.   
"I'm so fucking done with you."


	5. cryptid hunter KOGANE

“C’mon, Lance. You can not possibly fit all that Altean, uh, food? In your mouth.”  
“Watch me, Hunk. 5 bucks I can.”  
“You’re on!”  
“Y’all are fucking nasty.”  
“Shut up, Pidge.”  
“Fuck you.”  
Lance started shoving food in his face, Hunk watched in amusement, and Pidge pretended to be more interested in their lunch than the spectacle in front of them.  
“What is going on here?” Allura states, as she enters the room with Shiro.  
“Just a little bet going on between Lance and I about how much food he can fit in his mouth.”  
Shiro blinks at the three, analyzing the stupidity of this situation, then sits down and starts to fill his mouth with food too.  
“Uh, Shiro. What are you doing?” Hunk asks, perplexed.  
“10 bucks I can fit more than Lance.”  
Lance thumbs up to show he’s cool with Shiro’s bet.  
“15 Earth ‘bucks’ I can fit more than Shiro.” Allura states.  
“Allura, not you too.” Pidge playfully whines.

Then he walks in. The man himself. Cryptid Hunter Keith Kogane, Red Paladin, Fighter Pilot.  
“I bet Red, Kaltenecker, and all the Earth money on this ship, I can fit more that anyone here.” Everyone freezes.  
The champion has returned.  
\---  
10 minutes later…  
\---  
Keith walks out richer and with a rad space cow.   
Lesson learned.


	6. the study DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to @voltards.inc on Instagram. Also please follow me on instagram @euphonious_delight.
> 
> Thank you for being supportive of this crack fic.  
> I am working on a full real fic but it will not be published until all of it is done so i don't have an excuse to abondon it.

Lance places his school bag on the floor and takes out his phone. He has a study date with Keith over Skype.  
He opens his Skype app and calls the mulleted teen. After three rings he picks up.  
"Hey Lance. You ready to study and bring up your awful grades?"  
"Not really but I'd do anything for you, babe."  
"One; don't call me babe. Two; we are not dating. Three; stop."  
"Fine, but you still love me." Lance whines.  
Keith sighs and instructs Lance to take out his Geography notebook.  
"Alright, what notes have you taken this week?"  
Lance fumbles with his notebook and blushes.  
"W-well, I took some really in depth notes about, what subject is th-, Geography? Yes, Geography."  
"Oh yeah? Let me take a look at those notes Lance."  
Lance reluctantly shows Keith a very detailed drawing of Chick Hicks from the movie Cars saying "Kachinga."  
"Lance, what the fuck is that."  
"That is my one true love Chick Hicks."  
"Please stop."  
"Okay."  
"Where is Washington, d.c.?"  
"Washington. Duh."  
Keith's sighs. This is going to be a long study session.  
-  
By the end of the session Keith has learned that Lance doesn't know the difference between South America and Africa, he didn't know Rhode Island was a state, and he thought that Islam was a country.  
-  
"Lance. You need to stay after with a teacher and they need to teach you. You don't have any knowledge about Geography."  
"I know I- KEITH HELP." Lance throws his phone across the room and Keith's screen goes black.  
"What have you done now Lance? Lance? What's wrong."  
Lance just screams.  
"Are you okay? Lance? Do you need help!?"  
"There's a bat in my room!"  
Keith is so done with this boys shit.  
"Lance. You play baseball. It's not that weird to have your bat in your room."  
"No! THERES A BAT IN MY ROOM!"  
"Yes! I said there's a bat in your room!"  
"NO KEITH THERE IS A FUCKIN MAYBE RABID FLYING FUZZY BAT IN MY ROOM."  
"Wait. What?! Do you want me to call your mom?"  
"Sí. AYUDA ME, MAMÁ!"  
"Calm down I'm calling your mom!"  
"Wait. Wait. False alarm. I didn't have my contacts in or glasses on and it was just a stuffed animal."  
"Lance I am literally going to kill you."


	7. the group CHAT pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo i decided to run a mini series in this fic. it's called "the group CHAT". it is legit based off this group chat i have with my friends so most things have been done in my group chat before so,, i hope you enjoy. Also please look up the things mentioned in the chat such as Swamp Boogers, Scultors Clayground, and Lynk's Disease which is on the Clayground website.
> 
> P.S. I upload more chapters when people give me prompts,,  
> Like: "But they're bulling me!"  
> "Stop being a scaredy cat."  
> "Hi there! Happy pregnant!"  
> "There were sparks erupting from his ass."

**Spicy Meme** : okay but swamp boogers

 **Mullet Man** : What is a swamp booger?

 **Hunk O' Love** : I am also curious,,

 **Pidgeotto** : I MDJCJEKSK CLOVE SWAMP BOOGERS FJEKSJNC

 **Dad** : I believe it's better not to ask Lance about anything?

 **Spicy** **Meme** : [image]

 **Spicy** **Meme** : H I M

 **Pidgeotto** : MY LOVE BEST BOY

 **Hunk O' Love** : What the fuck is that?

 **Spicy Meme** : ITS H I M

 **Mullet Man** : nenckwkqkdjeiowjcnwo

 **Mullet** **Man** : I love it.

 **Dad** : Oh brother...

 **Spicy** **Meme** : BRÖTHER

 **Pidgeotto** : THE ÖATS

 **Pidgeotto** : [image]

 **Hunk O' Love** : I am very concerned about your mental states guys.

 **Dad** : They are long gone. It is no use Hunk.

 **Mullet Man** : Explain the swamp booger, please.

 **Spicy Meme** : h i m

 **Pidgeotto** : h i m

 **Spicy Meme** : H I M

 **Mullet Man** : Stop with the "h i m."

 **Pidgeotto** : H I M

 **Spicy Meme** : [image]

 **Spicy Meme** : [image]

 **Mullet Man** : Stop sending pictures of Pidge crying over the swamp booger.

 **Pidgeotto** : ITS H I M

 **Hunk O' Love** : What the hell Pidge?

 **Dad** : Why am I in this chat?

 **Spicy Meme** : [image]

 **Spicy Meme** : I sent you my dick answer me

 **Mullet Man** : That's just a really close picture of your face.

 **Pidgeotto** : owo what's this?

 **Spicy Meme** : RANDY

 **Spicy Meme** : YOUR STICKS

 **Pidgeotto** : YORU STCIKS

 **Mullet Man** : Who is Randy?

 **Hunk O' Love** : ??

 **Pidgeotto** : he is randy

 **Spicy Meme** : and he needs his sticks

 **Pidgeotto** : sweet randall

 **Spicy Meme** : jdjckwolwndnwkownf sweet randalll shkdjwk why is he calling my house at 3 am fgjjbdsyon

 **Hunk O' Love** : I don't understand you guys.

 **Mullet Man** : I don't either, Hunk. I don't think I want to know...

 **Dad** : You do not want to know... I will never forget being told about Lynk's Disease.

 **Pidgeotto** : LYNKS DISEASE

 **Spicy Meme** : Do I have Lynk's Disease? yes you do. you have it.

 **Dad** : Oh no.

 **Mullet Man** : What have you done?

 **Hunk O' Love** : What is Lynk's Disease?

 **Spicy Meme** : How do you get Lynk's Disease?

 **Pidgeotto** : first of all DONT! you dont want to get it it. You DO want to get rid of it.

 **Mullet Man** : But how do you get Lynk's Disease

 **Pidgeotto** : [ http://thesculptorsclayground.com/ ]

 **Spicy Meme** : you get it from:

-some waters

-not washing your hands

-handiling some clays

-sex is one way

-it. is. airborn. (its in the air)

-some water filters actually put lynks in water.

-too much excersize is a way

-needles

 **Mullet** **Man** : What is this?

 **Spicy** **Meme** : that's lynk's disease.

 **Hunk** **O** ' **Love** : How do you not get Lynk's??

 **Dad** : Hunk, Keith, don't listen to them.

 **Pidgeotto** : YES you do have Links. you’re getting really good at singing and people are starting to take notice. thats the links. Oh and guess what. its also killing your whole body, and you can’t write songs about that. Maybe you didn’t wash your hands or something but anyways no time to worry about old things. lynks will ruin you life and you’re treating everyone around you like dog shit.

 **Dad** : I'm done. I'm taking Hunk with me.

_- **Dad** has removed **Hunk** **O** ' **Love** from the conversation-_

_- **Dad** has left the conversation-_

**Spicy** **Meme** : NOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Pidgeotto** : NNOOSOPDOOOO DAAAAAD

 **Mullet** **Man** : This is all your fault.


End file.
